In the controversial movie, The Shack, God the Father was represented mainly as a grandmother. It was explained in the film that God was depicted as a grandmother because the main character’s own father did not embody God’s character, and the writers wanted God to appear in a form that closely represented God from the main character’s viewpoint. Now, I am not getting into the obvious controversy, but it does highlight a larger truth: people in general tend to associate God with their own upbringing rather than seeing the God of the Bible and understanding His character. It seems like a lot of “Bible Based Parenting” is nothing other than just making how you were raised “fit” in Scripture rather than the other way around.
To be blunt, Scripture is not a parenting guide. God never intended it to be, but somehow people have stretched it out to encompass the main thrust of books, videos, instructions, and even entire ministries. Really, only three things are covered. For children, it’s obey your parents (Exodus 20:12, Ephesians 6:1), and parents not to provoke your kids (Ephesians 6:4) and to train up your children in integrity (Proverbs 22:6). Now, the latter verse has a catch to it, as do all the verses in Proverbs that refer to beating your children with sticks. First, the verse uses “na’ar” for our English translation of child. That is not exactly what it means; “na’ar” refers more specifically to a male between infancy and early adulthood, or a male servant. Way too broad to imply young children. Secondly, the “rod” is “šēḇeṭ,” and again, that is a very broad term that refers to a staff, branch, offshoot, club, scepter, and is often figurative. So, if Scripture is not a parenting manual, upon what do we base parenting?
Overall, history shows us culturally that infants to about twelve or thirteen are typically considered “children.” It’s only modern society that stretched that to eighteen. During Biblical times, a girl was considered an adult at about 12. It is widely believed that Mary, Jesus’ mother, was approximately 14 to 16 years old when she gave birth to Jesus. For boys, it was a little older, around 14. It is believed that David, when he fought Goliath, was around 16 to 19 or so. That did not change much until England considered a boy to be an adult at 21 (or 16 if married), but girls were still considered adults at around 12 to 14. So, when looking at all the Scripture surrounding discipline in the Law, it mostly referred to people who were over the age of 12. That includes Proverbs. According to scientific knowledge, by the early teens, the “cause-and-effect” reasoning part of the brain is mainly developed, and people can generally reason at this stage. However, even then, raising children from infancy to their early teens was primarily a cultural or communal endeavor. In Scripture, that realm of life is remarkably absent, and we find more with archaeology or other writings that may shed light on daily life with a young child. When it comes to instructions for daily life, Scripture is often lacking, and the references that are present are specific to certain groups and cultures, and cannot serve as a basis for our culture today (as in 1 Corinthians 14).
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